Rihanna - Umbrella (feat. Jay-Z)

This video became a highly-anticipated one just about a week ago when pictures of the shoot found their way onto the Net. Now, I'm a very tough critic - you should know that by now. Although, I miss the more Carribean flavor that Rihanna once showed, I will admit that I really like this song and the video is fantastic. So, she got one damn point. I'm still watching. Hmph!

BTW: What do you think Beyonce thinks of the video? Hee-Hee!

.. Rumor Mill ..

Pop Them Bottles!
Well, I hear that Jay-Z may be swinging back into the UK to work with that drunk ass bitch that I love so much, Amy Winehouse. Folks even say that he may think of "breaking" Amy in the US by tossing her deal a with Def Jam. As if he doesn't have a million other artists that can't pay their phone bills as it is. Anyway, if the rumors are true, then there is probably a remix to Amy's "Rehab" track featuring the Camel Sultan out there somewhere.

Back Then Hoes Didn't Want Him...
It's bad enough that I have to look at Mike Jones' face when I accidentally flick past MTV Jams; I didn't need to see him doing doggystyle. What would possess Mr. Jones to film himself having sex is way beyond me. I don't even understand why any female would allow that creature to mount them the way he does. If you want to spoil your lunch, you can check out Mike and his sex tape right over here! NSFW!

Get Money Bitch
I gotta hand it to Kim Kardashian for making it on my Top 10 Money-Hungry Hoes List for 2006-2007. She moved from a fling with Nick Cannon, to her infamous relationship with Ray-J, to a quick hook-up with Marques Houston, and now I hear that Reggie Bush is next to catch "The Clap". Yep, Reg was spotted with Kimmy at an NFL party and its obvious what he was getting into that night - crabs!

Cam'Ron Interview

Other than the appearance he made on Sunday's 60 Minutes, Cam'ron has been in the swirl of things again lately. Here he his dropping bombs on Jay-Z, Nas, 50 Cent, Milli Vanilli, Esther Rolle, the nigga who jacked his bike back in '85, and everybody else he's had problems with. You know what that means...there's an album on the way.

After hearing and hating Killa Season, I'm not sure your friend Greg is gonna cop the sequel. That's just me though.

Shots Fired At Tony Yayo's Mom's Home

The Queens, NY home of Tony Yayo's mother was riddled with bullets Wednesday night (Apr. 18), sources told AllHipHop.

No shots were heard outside, indicating that silencers may have been used in the shooting.

Yayo, born Marvin Bernard, is accused of assaulting the 14-year-old son of Jimmy "Henchmen" Rosemond.

He was charged on Mar. 25 on one count of misdemeanor assault and one count of endangering the welfare of a minor.

Yayo was released on $5,000 bail and is scheduled to return to court on Apr. 25. [ source ]

Okay, I've totally become accustomed to the stupidity that is negroes and gun violence, but can we leave the mothers out of this? Just because they give birth to "gangsters" does not mean they deserve a chunk of hot lead in their asses. What's next? You gonna put a hit out on the pet cat?

Fanny's Fanny

Fantasia, what in the name of Fruit of the Loom are you doing? Pick the wedgie out, I beg you. Oh Lord, Fanny Mae dun' joined The League of Fugtastic Myspacers. How many low resolution backshot photos must the world be forced to endure?

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College Hill Fight: Vanessa v.s. Krystal

If you missed this week's episode of BET College Hill 4, then you missed a whole lot. I'm not going to pretend to be an avid viewer of the show, because I hardly watch BET at all, but this one I caught. The housemates had a silly arguement that escalated into a big fight between two girls, that ended in one getting her face bloodied.

You probably expect me to insert some smart-alecky remark here for a laugh, but I don't find this funny at all. In fact, I think its sad. Females can be so vicious towards each other. That shit is not cute, and it needs to stop.

Is Lil' Mama A Lil' Freak?

I'm not ashamed to say that I actually like Lil' Mama and her single "Lip Gloss". It is indeed poppin'. However, not many other listeners are enjoying the 17-year old NY rapper's record. In fact, a certain someone seems to think that Mama is another Cassie and that the entire song is secretly about giving highschool head. Say it ain't so.

Honsetly, I think that was a lame attempt at rustling some feathers. Homegirl can't even get a good taste of the limelight before someone tries to ruin her career. Until she starts chewin on condoms or passing out lube on TRL, I'm saying this is bullshit.

MIMS - This Is Why I'm Hot (Remix)

This post is dedicated to all the ITT Tech dropouts who were paid in Vienna Sausages to film and edit this video. Jaunting down the harsh streets of West Palm Beach with a flock of Jamaicans is not an easy task. I just want you all to know that you are appreciated.

Get Outta Town

Foreheads don't get more fierce than this. Selita Ebanks and her bottom bitch, Nick Cannon, made a special appearance at Mansion Saturday night for the Very Sexy Makeup party in Miami [1] . Selita is supposedly the hottest new model on the scene, and its always great to share your success with a man whose willing to carry your purse around, not to mention allow you to take a daily piss on his mustache. Go Nick!

[1] *sigh* Give them alcohol and Latin puss and they'll never leave.

Bitch Please!

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So, the hot new shard of gossip that popped off this weekend was of Da Brat being a lesbian. Feel free to gasp here, because I'm sure you are so shocked (sarcasm). Anyway, So So Def's butchy MC celebrated her birthday this past Friday at Club Miami in the ATL, and according to Gyant of SOHH.com, things got very interesting. First of all, this woman is supposedly Brat's new coochie-cuddler named Yamet. If you ask me, Yamet looks more like a "Ya-Man", but what good is my opinion. Anyway, turns out Da Brat made some wierd comment onstage that seemed like a sneaky way to come out of the closet, but I don't feel like explaining it, because I don't care. So, check out SOHH Atlanta for more info.

Tupac Is Still Dead

To the amazement of the music industry, entertainment industry and millions of fans worldwide Tupac Amaru Shakur, a hip hop star and screen actor long believed to be dead, will be returning to the public spotlight in a controversial live taping on the popular television show Mind of Mencia. The show will air Sunday April 15th on Comedy Central at 10pm, 9pm central.

“That’s why I chose to come back on Mind of Mencia” said Mr. Shakur in a telephone conference with several news media organizations. “Cause Carlos keep it real." [ spotted @ Miss Info TV ]

Let me help out those of you who haven't pieced the puzzle together yet. This is all fake! Sure, you will see a Tupac on Mind of Menica, but it will really be the schmuck pictured above left acting as him. Said schmuck goes by the name of Josh Harraway and seems to think he's really the Hip-Hop legend.

It's understandable though. Every other month, I go to Don Imus' House of NappyHead Hoe-Hair and add a few colorful locks to my dome. Then I hit the block and impersonate George Clinton. It makes me whole.

Halle Covers Esquire

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She's no Sanjaya, but Halle Berry is looking good on this cover and I'm not suprised. She still doesn't light my fire the way she used to though. However, this fine woman here will forever be a sex goddess. She's like the spice on my ham.

Charm School Sneak Premiere

Thanks to my homegirl at Juicy-News for enlightening me on the fact that the first episode of VH1's new show, Charm School with Mo'nique, has hit the web. Let's not lie to ourselves and act like we don't want to watch. Check it all out here.

Mel B Names Her Baby

What do you name the illegitimate child of a washed-up pop star and a donkey? Melanie Brown knows and its...Fortuna Daphne Bay! Don't hate on genius! With a previous daughter named Phoenix Chi, I'm thinking of enlisting Mel to provide my firstborn with a juicy moniker like her own.

Still no word when Eddie Murphy will take a paternity test for Lil' Fortuna, but I hear Maury is willing to put the whole thing to rest for a can of Bush Beans and a strip of bacon.

.. Spotted ..

Cousin Beyoncé was doing it big in Tokyo yesterday. Yeah, she left the country for a bit, but let's be fair - the Japanese deserve a chance to breathe her air too, am I right? On the other hand, I am hearing that the Yakuzas are the one's who sent this youngster to bitchslap Mama Tina the oher day. Oh, but vengeance will be the Knowles'. Don't you forget it.

A Lifetime Moment W/ Fanny

I really like Fantasia and its nice to hear her speak so honestly and lovingly towards her fans. Who gives a refried shit if she can't read Dr. Suess books. True success is measured by the strength in your heart...and in your hair. She's got the heart part downpacked.

America's Next Top Goldfish

50 Cent is a big meanie. In case you missed last night's episode of ANTM, the girls were sent to an industry party where they were challenged to build up their skills for networking. One model named Jael (the one who sniffs cocaine - I think...) decided to annoy the hell out of Curtis the whole night and ended up being shoved into the pool by him.

Poor thing. Hey, at least he didn't punch her in the throat or snatch out her grill. She'll be okay.

.. Spotted ..

Nia Long enjoyed a ladies night out with her homegirls yesterday at the Knicks game in NYC - looking good as usual. The hot topic at halftime: who was going to take this sweet piece of ass home with them for ice cream and cake. No word if old boy hit that just yet, but I'll keep you posted.

Ha!

Tiny's Twin

They both sing, they both dance, and they both scream "Oink" when their boyfriends hit it from the back. Take this as a compliment, Tiny. Petunia Pig may be realer than you!

Polow Da Don Covers Fader

"I've become the main guy, that means producers are following me. What that means is real music comes back, because what I do is real music. When that happens, then I did my job"

Whatever, I still don't like you.

Make sure you check out the current issue of Fader Magazine online here.

Sip It Up

There's nothing better than the sweet taste of grape tang in the morning, huh Fif? Curtis took time out to talk with Hell Jones in the Morning over at Hot 97 yesterday and responded to a lot of lingering questions - from Tony Yayo's situation, to Olivia being dropped, to throwing Young Buck in timeout, and much more. A lot of people have been fired and ignored over at G-Unit Records. It feels like 50 is in it for himself now. I hope all his gorillas don't turn against him. That may be nasty...fun, but oh so nasty.

Play Me: 50 Cent Interview on Hot 97

DJ Khaled - We Takin' Over

We, the people of Miami-Dade, have been riding to this Khaled record for quite some time now. We have also been looking foward to the video. T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Baby, and Lil' Wayne all got together to record footage for their verses, along with tons of other 305 superstars who made cameos. I'm not mad at them at all. The video was decent. I just wish we didn't have to see that same damn bridge in every Miami artist's video. Is that like our city landmark now?

DJ Khaled's album We The Best! will hit stores on June 12th.

Superstar Diva

Lots of fans hit the streets of Hollywood yesterday to support Halle Berry as she accepted her star on the Walk of Fame. I honestly thought that she had one of those under her belt already, but what the hell do we pure-bred negroes know, right? Other celebs walked the boulevard with Halle in mind, including Samuel Jackson, Johnny Grant and her own white kong Gabriel Aubry.

I'm thinking that Ms. Berry may have been chugging up the booze before this ceremony. Things aren't looking too good.

So Over It

That's right. Cheese it up, ladies. We all know that behind those wax-like smiles live the souls of pure racists. Ha-Ha!

-- THAT sigh of relief Beyoncé and her mother, Tina Knowles, breathed last week may have been premature. Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Herman Kahn threw out former business associate Greg Walker's lawsuit seeking $1.5 million from their House of Dereon fashion line, but Walker vows to appeal. "I'll never give up, because I know I'm right," he told Page Six. The judge ruled that Walker's oral agreement - giving him a 10 percent commission for setting up the $15 million deal that created the company - wasn't worth the paper it wasn't printed on. "The judge was star-struck," Walker said. And the Knowleses are subconsciously racist, he added. "I believe if I was white, I would have been paid."

Negro, just get a new job. The Knowles Klan isn't racist - they just hate everybody without a magic lacefront. Got one? Didn't think so. Get on their level, hoe!

New York Takes Tango

Well, I Love New York has come to an end with Tango coming out on top as Tiffany's new boo. I had to drop my Doritos for that one. I really thought homebitch was going to choose Chance, but whatever. As long as the show is over, what else matters?

Not only did Tango end up winning New York's heart, but he also won her hand in marriage when he proposed to her out of nowhere! Dum-Dum-Didday!

Hate to burst any bubbles, but from what loose lips have been saying, the relationship is already over. Oh, and you probably never even knew that Tango is an aspiring rap artist...a really bad one at that. Go fuckin' figure.

The Block Is Hot

Bet you didn't know that Fergie used to be a dopeboy, er, dopegirl - the heffa sold drugs, okay? It took a near-death experience to get her life on track.

"I had a gun put to my head during a drug deal that went wrong. Luckily I got out of it."

Now, she should have known that when Bobby says he wants a brick he means it. So kids, let Fergie's mistakes be a lesson to all of you; don't use or distribute drugs...and never try to lick your own cooch. It's bad for your health.

I Vote No

Jennfer Lopez took a trip to the courthouse yesterday for jury duty wearing her sweet old abuela's coat and a Persian swap meet bag - stylin' on you hoes as usual! I still don't know what happened to the sexy Puerto Rican firecracker we used to know in J.Lo, but this whole desperate soccer mom look is enough to make a man's sperm count drop.

Calm Down

Stupid is running rampant around this damn country; be careful. Rumor has it that Diddy knocked up his snowbunny Aubrey O'Day of Danity Kane. Then of course, folks also say that he impregnated Cassie, Sienna Miller, and we know Kim Porter just blasted out two girlies a few months ago. Seems like Bad Boy sperm is everywhere - making an army, are we Puff?

So, people have been twisting their G-strings up over this video of Aubrey and D.Woods shopping for baby supplies in some grocery store like she's really of child. Jokes on you fools! It was all a prank says Bad Boy. What an impressive sense of humor these hoes have. Let's drop the garbage gossip, please. It's wack.

Fatherly Advice

I commend Mr. Wall for being a good dad to his little boy, but I must never, ever, ever see a toddler-sized grill in that child's mouth. I know he and the wife have been thinking about it. Let's not go that far, please.

New Single Cover

FYI: My new name for Rihanna is Pastel, because she's basically a drawing of what Def Jam wants her to be instead of who she actually is. You can't fool me, bitch! Your E! True Hollywood Story will one day shed the light.

Anyway, here is the cover for her new single, Umbrella, featuring Joe SweetDick Camel himself. This little Bajan just doesn't take a break - she's got music to make and cum to drink. Please, control your hate.

Pastel's new album Good Girl Gone Bad hits stores in June.

Celebrity Kids

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It must feel great to be the offspring of a celeb. These kids got to showcase how great it really is when they strut their prepubescent stuff at this weekend's Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards. Nelly's son didn't seem to be having that much fun by the look on his face. I guess free candy, slime, and a pop-n-lockin' Spongebob ain't enough to tickle his fancy.